My dad started frolicking with women and I would see my Mum suffer both in silence and loudly. I walked to school as a living corpse; listening in school was almost impossible and then I started hearing the voice at first softly then later loudly MURDERER!!! Everywhere I went the voice followed. It got so bad that I would scream to no one in particular so I thought why not be him and then I made the worst mistake of my life I lived my life like him I mean all his dreams of being an astronaut and his wishes I wore them leaving mine behind. I went as far as having suicidal thoughts but then I was all my Mum had at that moment so I knew I shouldn't go. I stopped taking drugs even till now no matter how sick I am I will toss my drugs away. I saw him everywhere and still see him everywhere I wrote his name everywhere on my notes on a free book anything at all. My childhood playmate was gone my once peaceful home gone my spiritual life( receiving holy communion) stopped in between I was a murderer I killed him so why should I receive? I remember tearing almost all my clothes that were femine so I get to have only boys wears.
I couldn't even take food to school unlike before cause both parents cooked differently and both wanted me to take his. Then I started skipping school to go well you know where..... I was exposed to a lot of bad things would watch my friends have live sex so porn wasn't a big thing for me back then. I grew to hate my Dad for everything he put my mum through and of course myself then the struggle for self esteem started(another story for anther day). I cry as I write honestly because I still wish. I even remember bumping into a magazine where they wrote the cure for sickle cell anaemia damn I tore it into shreds stamped my feet on it hmmmmmmmm. . #blogger#bloggerlife#bloggerlifestyle#toptags#bloggerfashion#bloggers#lifestyle#lifestyleblogger#vloger#bloggergirl#bloggersgetsocial#vloggers#vlogging#vloglife#vlogger#vloggerlife#blogpost#vlog#blogueira#thehappynow#blogs#bloggerslife#vlogs#blogdemoda#blogueiras#bloggerlove#travelblogger#fitnessblog#follow#bloggerslife
Besides it wasn't like the doctor was doing anything besides smoking and injecting him.
He seemed better at some point but my mum wouldn't hear the last of it for she asked he boarded the next available flight back home. I remember him teasing me about entering a plane before me, I remember telling him to keep cloud for me (little me) and then he left me and did tears stream down from my eyes yes it did.
I know a lot of you already knows he died(not going to go into details) but his death was the beginning of my depression. Initially I didn't understand but till my sister left for the university and I had to sleep alone on the bed he always shared with me then it dawned on me or was it going to school alone or the constant sorrys from caring school mates or the pity in everyone's eyes or worse my mum's saddened face which she wore forever. His death brought about the separation of my parents for crying out loud he was the only son. My dad went as far as blaming it on my grand parents and I saw them weep. Every night my sleep was disturbed for I was visited by my dad where he warned me sternly not to eat from my mum that she would poison me bla bla those things I saw on African magic was happening live in my once peaceful home which I wrecked cause I didn't keep to my promise. #blogger#bloggerlife#bloggerlifestyle#toptags#bloggerfashion#bloggers#lifestyle#lifestyleblogger#vloger#bloggergirl#bloggersgetsocial#vloggers#vlogging#vloglife#vlogger#vloggerlife#blogpost#vlog#blogueira#thehappynow#blogs#bloggerslife#vlogs#blogdemoda#blogueiras#bloggerlove#travelblogger#fitnessblog#follow#bloggerslife
Autumn: gimmie gimmie gimmie those colours! Did you see yesterday’s vlog? Super cool news in there regarding a certain Christmas party YOU’RE invited to!! Link in bio .