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And just like that, another idol of mine took his life.
Why did someone so strong give up?
Was there no other way?
I wonder, if that's the only way.
" Think about your loved ones. "
But this isn't about them.
This is about me and I can't do it.
I can't fail again and again.
And even if they really care for me.
It feels like sympathy.
" So what if you're a failure? "
So what? You don't know me.
You don't know how hard it is.
Depression is a joke amongst y'all,
Depression isn't about failing.
It's about not wanting to try.
" This isn't the end. "
I wish it wasn't. I honestly do.
But when my heart is broken beyond repair.
And my mind is scrambled,
Reminding me of my sins.
I can't help but quit.
" Life is all about trying again. "
Motivational quotes on Instagram and Facebook aren't going to save me.
This is an irreversible decision.
I'll be a hypocrite if I stay another day.
" Don't do it. "
I have to. " Stop. "
I'm sorry. "We can talk about this. "
I'm beyond repair. " Are you really going to do this. "
Yes. " You can't! "
Ah fuck. I cannot do it. I'm scared.
Tomorrow for sure.
And that's how I survived
Another sleepless night. ×××××
Quote from my book- Me, me?
"Tell me Karl." They still loved to overuse each others name very frequently. With this they somehow created a fake seriousness; to imitate the psychologist-client relationship. It was Friday 7:00 PM they started very punctual and did not talk about Monday's kiss and the discussion. They just continued the courses, it went like before.
“In the summer there will be a camp..” he started when she childishly interrupted him;
“Oh my God how cool, the sick's camp, I can be together with lots of crazy people, no Karl, you can immediately forget that.”
“I so much knew you would react like this, look no one is sick who dares to open up."
"Oh what a cliché," she interrupted him persistently.
“It is a camp to relax. It has some courses built in yes, but it mostly focuses on relaxation and recovery,” he explained.
“And there will be group therapies too? 'Hi my name is Anabelle, I'm sick.’ ” she scoffed.
“Ana I will be there too and you can chose for sessions only with me and further relax at a beautiful place.” [...]
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