Things I’ve realised and experienced in these 5 months. ✍🏼 Sobriety is a gift; recovery is something you earn. -
Dulling the one experience we get of our human life is stupid. -
Feelings like sadness, loneliness, anger and grief move through you much quicker when you lean into them and feel them. Diluting them with alcohol and drugs will just prolong their presence in your heart. -
We create our own limiting beliefs. - Being present and grateful for every day we receive is a sustainable source of pure happiness. - Happiness obtained from within lasts much longer and inflicts no come down or hangover. -
You cannot hear your soul when it’s drowning in toxicity. -
Ups and downs are natural and good, breakdowns can become breakthroughs if you can accept the possibility that your consciousness and understanding is always fighting to expand. -
Comparing the pain experienced between humans is pointless. Someone can drown in 1 meter of water; comparing that to someone who drowned in 7 proves nothing. - 💖
The most important thing I’ve learnt though, is to find your soul tribe. Find those that will cheer you along, check up on you and hold your hand, even when you’re not holding it out. Work your recovery, with support and remind yourself over and over, that you are not alone and that you are loved.
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Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recovery. We may also have a tendency too pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.
If I was really recovering, I wouldn't be doing that again . . . I should be further along than I am. These are statements that we indulge in when we're feeling shame. We don't need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.
Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.
Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That's how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by shaming ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.
Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it's accepting and loving ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.
Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I'm going tomorrow.
•Blueberry & white chocolate muffin at morning tea 🍂• Today has been hard. Not because I had a fear food but because I am well aware that I’m problematic. I hate seeing the stress I put on others, the angst & tension. It’s not fair on them and I whole heartedly wish I was different. Truth is, I don’t know how I’ve become so rigid.
It’s not even about the type of food I eat. I have to walk the same route wherever I go, I can’t step on areas of the pavement unless it’s with my right foot. I get incredibly stressed if I can’t find my lip balm, I have several routines that I strictly adhere to - must drink coffee before I can have cereal, eat in a certain order etc. I never EVER touch public door handles, computer mouse/keyboard, pin pads, bus stop buttons etc with my bare fingers.
I am unhealthily obsessed with study, when I’m not studying I am thinking about it - reciting stuff in my head, writing notes on my phone. I pick my skin (gross I know) to the point where I was on 3 different courses of antibiotics in under 1 month. I also had two lots of surgery because of the damage I had done.
I don’t like the idea of socialising, but I am lonely and depressed.
I understand we can become rigid, anxious and stressed by being unwell. But idk. Sometimes all of these little rituals are more depressing than my eating disorder. Like who the fuck gets stressed if they can’t find their damn lip balm? Gah!!!!! I can’t wait till I’m recovered and don’t have this sorta stuff controlling my life 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼
Ps I also have to go flatting & I have no one to go with 🙃
Feeling really depressed today and don’t know what to do with myself other than potentially go back to bed. The results of the election have left me feeling hopeless and so insignificant and powerless to change anything. Living under a government who essentially hates me by policy and knowing that more than half my own country does not care at all about those things that I value the absolute most is just so painful to realise. My country considers me an inconvenience and does not value what I can offer this world. Where does that leave me?
ODAAT. This acronym is generally associated with sobriety right?
I visited John yesterday ( @sloopjohnb21 ) and we had a good old chin wag. My lovely Mum, his lovely ‘Bean’ as he called her, only passed 6 months ago.
He doesn’t drink anymore because in his words, “it’s just not the same anymore”.
She was one half of their double act, his sidekick, his soulmate, his seahorse.
Always 8pm on the dot, 2 vodkas and tonic. ( large )
We all have our own reasons for giving up the booze, John didn’t plan too but it lost its appeal.
I suppose our ODAAT is relevant to whatever you are experiencing at the tine.
His is getting through each day without his adorable ‘Bean ‘.
We miss you lovely Mum ❤️🙏
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⚠️MENTAL HEALTH AWARNESS WEEK POST⚠️ 2014 vs 2019. There's a huge difference, right? Most of you probably don't know, but I've struggled with mental illnesses since I was 15 years old. In the left photo, I was 17 and weighed 38kg, I used to starve myself or throw up several times a week, took laxatives and still found myself fat. As you can see, I hid myself in oversized clothes and never showed my arms, I looked sick and even my breasts were smaller. At that time I lost my period for a couple of months, but for me it wasn't enough, I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't sick enough. That's what anorexia and bulimia do to you, make you think that unless you're a living skeleton you don't deserve help. I was able to see and feel my collarbones and hipbones, but every time I saw myself in front of the mirrow I just felt fat and disgusting. There are almost no pictures of me that year because I didn't feel comfortable with it. In the right photo it's me at the present time, 22 years and who cares about my weight. I can't say I'm recovered but I've made a lot of progress. I actually enjoy food most days, I don't hide myself anymore and I try to be healthier. There are days when I don't feel like eating, in which I can't help but throw up, but I am not harsh with myself. Every day is a new opportunity to improve, and relapse is not a sign of failure. In my experience, despite the years there are some things that persist, but I've learned to control myself, to stop letting the negative thoughts affect me. Actually, I've lost weigh since december because I got very stressed and depressed. When I got diagnosed in 2015 and started to go to a nutritionist and psychiatrist, I gained a lot of weigh and the medication I had to take didn't help either, so it's been a long process, physically and mentally. It takes time to accept your body, to be kind to yourself and understand that you don't have to fit into a stereotype to feel pretty. So don't give up, you are enough.
If you're struggling with your weight, please contact a professional. You don't have to be dying to get help, you deserve to get better.
If you know exactly where you are going, you are staying in the smallness of who you were. We need to be in the vast openness of what our potential is. And we can’t be in the potential of who we are if we are stuck in the smallness of controlling absolutely everything. Have faith in not only yourself, but in the great divine that you are going exactly where you need to go without having all the answers. 🌺💚🍀